(or why old people get a bad rep)
I'm sorry, could some one please show me where to find the expiration date on people? Back of the neck? Oh please don't let it be some where I'd need a flashlight and nerves of steel to look.
You see, I just didn't realize, I had no clue that there's a magical age people reach where they no longer have to do stuff, bother with stuff or learn new stuff. What stuff??? I don't know, just stuff, it can be anything but the magical phrase that rolls off their tongue is something like this "I'm 60 years old I shouldn't have to do this!"
Ummmmm...really?
I had no idea, is it the same age for every body? Or is it like birth marks, every one's is different and some people don't have em at all.
It must be some over 50 club that you don't learn about till you blow the candles out on your 50th birthday cake, then along with some ice cream and prezzies you get to start shouting "I'm 50 years old, I shouldn't have to deal with this" (THIS could be anything from opening their own presents to talking in a normal volume of voice) Because apparently when you reach your magical expiration date all the cool stuff that makes us human, the striving to learn more, be a better person, face challenges and try new things is now not only optional but in most cases refusable. Well damn...I gotta get me some of that 60 years oldishness.
Cause there's a lot of stuff I'd love to refuse, and hollering "I'm 29 years old, I shouldn't have to do the dishes." just doesn't have that nice ring to it. Now if if I was 60 I could screech "I'm 60 years old, I'm 60 years old!" See that? See how you don't even need to say what it is pissing you off, you just get to holler your age and it's like a blanket excuse for everything, a reminder for every one under 60 that we just DON'T UNDERSTAND. Because apparently it's SO hard being the age of your expiration date that you can start acting rude, cranky and whiney about changes. "I'm 60 years old THINGS SHOULDN'T CHANGE."
Oh man, am I gonna be skewered now?
Screw it, I'm 29 years old and I don't give a damn.
(insert wild cackling here)
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Rebellion against the *F* Word
I wasn't a rebellious teenager...that you know of....
I suspect that's why I feel pretty rebellious now. I'm almost 30 for goodness sakes, you're supposed to have the rebellious streak when you're 16 not going on 30. But it's like that little spark of teenagerishness that lay dormant (for the most part) when I was actually a teenager has been ignited NOW. But it's not my fault. I blame technology!! That's right, but not just any technology, anything that's a technical advancement and perk of that advancement that doesn't give me any sass or make me want to smash it to a million tiny pieces because it has one job, ONE FREAKING JOB IN LIFE and that's to obey me, I don't have a problem with.....
It's something else, the scary *F* word.
Dare me to say it? Well hell I've already stated the case for rebellious acts of a near thirty something woman so why stop now right.
F-O-R-W-A-R-D-S
Don't tell me that's not a dirty word. Like the other *F* word, it can be a highly effective tool. Like the OTHER *F* word it can make a person blink in surprise, sigh in exasperation or shock you to your core.
Like the OTHER *F* word it can be a bit embarrassing, accidently slipping out or being unleashed to your friends, with out any thought really. Like, does the check out kid at the super market need to hear me say "OH FU*K I forgot the butter" You have that horror movie moment where you realize , oh dear, too late now. The check out kid thinks I'm a potty mouth, I still hadn't got any butter and I'm so red you could fry an egg on my face.
Same sort of thing with the F-O-R-W-A-R-D-S. You get a little something in your inbox that gives you a chuckle, lets send it on for other people to chuckle over. It's so easy, it's soooo mindless just a click of the button and every one else can see half naked pictures of people that barely masquerades as humor, written jokes that I'd expect to find in the back of *THOSE* sorts of magazines NOT my inbox, or how about strange political messages that sound good on the surface but have a creepy underbelly of *white* pride to them. Good for a half sec chuckle, forward them on and...OH MY GAWWWWWD.........what have I done?
I wouldn't show up at some one's house with a handful of pictures like that, I wouldn't watch a tv program with political messages like that and I sure as hell wouldn't tell a joke like that to any one I know...but...oooooooops. It's email, it's different. It's "keeping in touch". Well maybe I don't want to be *touched* like that.
And I'm sorry is it just me, or do other people feel like if you admit you don't care if you EVER got another F-O-R-W-A-R-D in your life that it's wrong some how. Why is that wrong? WHY????????
When did F-O-R-W-A-R-D-S become synonymous with "keeping in touch" or "showing you care" or that "I was thinking of you". Does anyone really believe when they get an email joke with 5000 other people's names in the TO: that they're special?
It's fun to compare computer people with non computer people. At first glance it can seem like "oh yeah I keep in touch more with some friends and relatives who have the internet" versus the poor suckers who don't. I hear from one friend about twice a year, that's pretty cool, Because when I hear from him it's REALLY him, birthday and Christmas we check in, say howdy do, how's life and feel good knowing the other person's still out there. Since he doesn't use a computer that's it. No false front of *keeping in touch*, no myriad of jokes and photos of people neither of us know fly back and forth so we can pretend we *care*. Birthdays and Christmas, that's it.
That's only part one of the rebelliousness of an almost 30 something woman, part two is the certain kind of F-O-R-W-A-R-D that makes me want to print it out, douse it in kerosene, set it on fire and bury the ashes in the yard. With a circle of salt around it for good measure.
EVERY F-0-R-W-A-R-D that asks me to forward them on or worse yet TELLS ME to send them on or EVEN WORSE THEN THAT tries to GUILT me into sending them on....oh good gollly the very idea has my teeth clenching and fingers tensing and a small unattractive lip curling snarl like thing starts happening on my face. Forwards I don't have an issue with as much, I don't mind getting a bunch of impersonal jokes and stuff cause sometimes there are some jewels amongst them. And it doesn't really hurt, I can read em or not right? But tell me I HAVE to forward it and...arrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggh, it brings out my Mr.Hyde and she aint pretty. I delete these forwards with such violence and vigor it's a wonder my delete button still works. Some times I will take the hint, or threat, or suggestion and forward them on...to MYSELF, so I can have the pleasure of deleting and ending the little chain all over again.
Do you realize how icky these forwards can be, NOT every forward, you know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that say I'm uncaring of little Timmy's or Sally's health problems if I don't forward the email now to every one on my friend's list, that I'm UN-AMERICAN?????????? if I don't forward some one's political and social commentary that I don't even agree with. Here's my favorite, that I'm un-Christian and don't love every one if I don't send the religious messages to every one in my address book. What if I'm NOT Christian. Good Lord (pun intended) I'd love to get a buddhist, or Islam or Jewish religious message forwarded to my inbox sometimes.
I think I've developed a bit of an issue with these because even messages that are sweet and caring and wonderful and I agree with, if it even hints that SHOULD forward it to every one in my address book I start cringing. I shake my head in refusal, mourning the ruined ending to an other wise interesting email. WHY???? WHY do I have to forward it??? If I want to keep in touch with people I write them, words that I WROTE, that mean something. If I have nothing to say I send pictures. If I have no pictures to send then you probably won't be hearing from me. And you know what? I think that's o.k. I don't think people ought to feel guilty about not keeping in contact. If you don't have enough to say to a person that you can't even write your own words or opinions or personal photos then maybe saying nothing is actually better then something.
I'm half way tempted to start some really uncomfortable email forwards to start sending people. "Like babies are icky and every one should get neutered, forward this or you like babies." or how about "organic food is a joke, I want more pesticides on my food, in fact lets spray bug poison on our salads so we can increase the chance we don't eat a live bug. Forward this to all your friends and family if you care enough to be sure they don't eat live bugs." or "Get Rich Quick by lying to your doctor and saying you need viagra and then sell the pills to your friends, forward this on if you want your friends to have a healthy love life!"
Ohhhh or even better "There are too many books in the world, every book equals a dead tree, every time you read a book you're holding a murdered tree in your hand. Forward this to all your friends and family if you care about the senseless murder of trees. Only 17% of people will have the courage to send this on, are you one of the 17%?"
AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!
What happened to the good old days when you heard from people you know and got an earful of uncomfortable family gossip? Long boring speeches about who they're voting for or about how so and so spends too much money at the you know where buying you know what for you know who.
Or how about a compromise, here's a F-O-R-W-A-R-D I could get behind, forward me what other people write you!! That would be awesome! A forward that makes sense, forwarding me something cousin Joe Schmoe said, or your co-worker or what ever. If I'm going to be uncomfortable reading my emails at least let it be over things that actually relate to my life or yours. Something else that's kind of fun too is lying. You don't have to be a word smith with a fun filled life that you have millions of details to share with every one.
You can just lie, how am I gonna know?
So if you agree go ahead and forward this web page to every one you know or else you are un-human.
I suspect that's why I feel pretty rebellious now. I'm almost 30 for goodness sakes, you're supposed to have the rebellious streak when you're 16 not going on 30. But it's like that little spark of teenagerishness that lay dormant (for the most part) when I was actually a teenager has been ignited NOW. But it's not my fault. I blame technology!! That's right, but not just any technology, anything that's a technical advancement and perk of that advancement that doesn't give me any sass or make me want to smash it to a million tiny pieces because it has one job, ONE FREAKING JOB IN LIFE and that's to obey me, I don't have a problem with.....
It's something else, the scary *F* word.
Dare me to say it? Well hell I've already stated the case for rebellious acts of a near thirty something woman so why stop now right.
F-O-R-W-A-R-D-S
Don't tell me that's not a dirty word. Like the other *F* word, it can be a highly effective tool. Like the OTHER *F* word it can make a person blink in surprise, sigh in exasperation or shock you to your core.
Like the OTHER *F* word it can be a bit embarrassing, accidently slipping out or being unleashed to your friends, with out any thought really. Like, does the check out kid at the super market need to hear me say "OH FU*K I forgot the butter" You have that horror movie moment where you realize , oh dear, too late now. The check out kid thinks I'm a potty mouth, I still hadn't got any butter and I'm so red you could fry an egg on my face.
Same sort of thing with the F-O-R-W-A-R-D-S. You get a little something in your inbox that gives you a chuckle, lets send it on for other people to chuckle over. It's so easy, it's soooo mindless just a click of the button and every one else can see half naked pictures of people that barely masquerades as humor, written jokes that I'd expect to find in the back of *THOSE* sorts of magazines NOT my inbox, or how about strange political messages that sound good on the surface but have a creepy underbelly of *white* pride to them. Good for a half sec chuckle, forward them on and...OH MY GAWWWWWD.........what have I done?
I wouldn't show up at some one's house with a handful of pictures like that, I wouldn't watch a tv program with political messages like that and I sure as hell wouldn't tell a joke like that to any one I know...but...oooooooops. It's email, it's different. It's "keeping in touch". Well maybe I don't want to be *touched* like that.
And I'm sorry is it just me, or do other people feel like if you admit you don't care if you EVER got another F-O-R-W-A-R-D in your life that it's wrong some how. Why is that wrong? WHY????????
When did F-O-R-W-A-R-D-S become synonymous with "keeping in touch" or "showing you care" or that "I was thinking of you". Does anyone really believe when they get an email joke with 5000 other people's names in the TO: that they're special?
It's fun to compare computer people with non computer people. At first glance it can seem like "oh yeah I keep in touch more with some friends and relatives who have the internet" versus the poor suckers who don't. I hear from one friend about twice a year, that's pretty cool, Because when I hear from him it's REALLY him, birthday and Christmas we check in, say howdy do, how's life and feel good knowing the other person's still out there. Since he doesn't use a computer that's it. No false front of *keeping in touch*, no myriad of jokes and photos of people neither of us know fly back and forth so we can pretend we *care*. Birthdays and Christmas, that's it.
That's only part one of the rebelliousness of an almost 30 something woman, part two is the certain kind of F-O-R-W-A-R-D that makes me want to print it out, douse it in kerosene, set it on fire and bury the ashes in the yard. With a circle of salt around it for good measure.
EVERY F-0-R-W-A-R-D that asks me to forward them on or worse yet TELLS ME to send them on or EVEN WORSE THEN THAT tries to GUILT me into sending them on....oh good gollly the very idea has my teeth clenching and fingers tensing and a small unattractive lip curling snarl like thing starts happening on my face. Forwards I don't have an issue with as much, I don't mind getting a bunch of impersonal jokes and stuff cause sometimes there are some jewels amongst them. And it doesn't really hurt, I can read em or not right? But tell me I HAVE to forward it and...arrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggh, it brings out my Mr.Hyde and she aint pretty. I delete these forwards with such violence and vigor it's a wonder my delete button still works. Some times I will take the hint, or threat, or suggestion and forward them on...to MYSELF, so I can have the pleasure of deleting and ending the little chain all over again.
Do you realize how icky these forwards can be, NOT every forward, you know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that say I'm uncaring of little Timmy's or Sally's health problems if I don't forward the email now to every one on my friend's list, that I'm UN-AMERICAN?????????? if I don't forward some one's political and social commentary that I don't even agree with. Here's my favorite, that I'm un-Christian and don't love every one if I don't send the religious messages to every one in my address book. What if I'm NOT Christian. Good Lord (pun intended) I'd love to get a buddhist, or Islam or Jewish religious message forwarded to my inbox sometimes.
I think I've developed a bit of an issue with these because even messages that are sweet and caring and wonderful and I agree with, if it even hints that SHOULD forward it to every one in my address book I start cringing. I shake my head in refusal, mourning the ruined ending to an other wise interesting email. WHY???? WHY do I have to forward it??? If I want to keep in touch with people I write them, words that I WROTE, that mean something. If I have nothing to say I send pictures. If I have no pictures to send then you probably won't be hearing from me. And you know what? I think that's o.k. I don't think people ought to feel guilty about not keeping in contact. If you don't have enough to say to a person that you can't even write your own words or opinions or personal photos then maybe saying nothing is actually better then something.
I'm half way tempted to start some really uncomfortable email forwards to start sending people. "Like babies are icky and every one should get neutered, forward this or you like babies." or how about "organic food is a joke, I want more pesticides on my food, in fact lets spray bug poison on our salads so we can increase the chance we don't eat a live bug. Forward this to all your friends and family if you care enough to be sure they don't eat live bugs." or "Get Rich Quick by lying to your doctor and saying you need viagra and then sell the pills to your friends, forward this on if you want your friends to have a healthy love life!"
Ohhhh or even better "There are too many books in the world, every book equals a dead tree, every time you read a book you're holding a murdered tree in your hand. Forward this to all your friends and family if you care about the senseless murder of trees. Only 17% of people will have the courage to send this on, are you one of the 17%?"
AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!
What happened to the good old days when you heard from people you know and got an earful of uncomfortable family gossip? Long boring speeches about who they're voting for or about how so and so spends too much money at the you know where buying you know what for you know who.
Or how about a compromise, here's a F-O-R-W-A-R-D I could get behind, forward me what other people write you!! That would be awesome! A forward that makes sense, forwarding me something cousin Joe Schmoe said, or your co-worker or what ever. If I'm going to be uncomfortable reading my emails at least let it be over things that actually relate to my life or yours. Something else that's kind of fun too is lying. You don't have to be a word smith with a fun filled life that you have millions of details to share with every one.
You can just lie, how am I gonna know?
So if you agree go ahead and forward this web page to every one you know or else you are un-human.
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